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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?